Michelle Garcia Winner and our mentoring team. SO much fun.

On Thursday, I will come home a better social educator. I can’t wait to get back to implement all I am learning.

-There is a lot Skills for Living is doing right, intuitively.

-Watching one of my mentors work, live, is the most energizing way to learn.

-While there are some tweaks I’ll make to our programming at Skills for Living after spending time at Social Thinking, there are a lot of things I will keep exactly the way they are. One thing I will not change is the community feel to Skills for Living. I think it is what makes us special. Kids and families come to learn, but they also come to be a part of something… to belong.

-Tricky kids are tough for even the best and brightest professionals… because tricky kids are… tricky.

-I need to build in time for parents to learn about what their kids are learning about.

-Helping kids recognize that their behavior leads to “likely” behaviors in others- LOVE this lesson taught by Stephanie Madrigal.

-Superflex is an evolving curriculum, and it’s OK- and encouraged- to use it in our own way (Good- because I have been!).

-This is important work that we do. It’s slow, messy, and often not “scientific enough,” but it’s important.

Off to Day 2.

I am in San Jose, CA this week, studying in a very small group at Michelle Garcia Winner’sSocial Thinking clinic.

My plan is to fill my brain with as much fabulous as possible, then bring it home to Skills for Living.

I am about to walk out of my hotel and over to Social Thinking. I am so nervous, I might throw up. It is also raining and I forgot an umbrella.

Do you think walking through the door barfing with crazy hair will give anyone a red thought?

I’ll post later on tonight… good stuff coming.

“You guys! We’re doing it! We’re moving Skills for Living to a new space!”

Patrick, as expected, was excited and began making plans. Jessie, up for anything, smiled and said, “That’s great!”

The other seven kids just kind of looked at me.

“Um, HELLO… we’re going to have ten times as much space- including a gym to play volleyball in…”

“I hate volleyball,” Elise said.

“Yeah,” agreed Camden. “We like it here.”

“Here?” I asked,  baffled by the underwhelming reactions. “Are you kidding me? You are piled on top of each other! There’s  no room!”

They offered a collective shrug.

The more we talked, the more I realized just how much these kids dislike change… even really positive change. It also came bubbling up, that just like any human being, teenagers are incredibly self-focused in their worries.

• They worried about me not needing them to work as mentors anymore.
• They were concerned that the new place would cost too much, and we’d never have pizza again.
• They asked anxiously about letting new kids into the group.
• They wondered if those new kids being unkind to them.

Once I was able to reassure them that things will be pretty much the same- we’ll even paint their room the same colors- the worry started to slip away, and the were showing me ideas for the new space… mostly generated from an MTV show called Fantasy Factory. 

When it comes to change, we simply can not underestimate the amount of worry kids attach to themselves. Even big kids, even happy change. Even when we, the adults, know the change will be for the better.

I guess it’s our job to just help bridge them through it.

The Patriots lost the Superbowl last night.

What an opportunity to teach our kids- whether they are 3 or 13 or 23- about sportsmanship and graceful losing.

• How can we expect our preschoolers to handle getting “Plumpy” in Candy Land without crying if we freak out with anxiety at every set back while watching a football game?
• We are frustrated with our teenagers when they rage over the loss of a travel basketball game, calling their team mates names and blaming them for the upset, but call Tom Brady, who we had on a pedestal just moments earlier, a p@$$* after the final moments of the game.
• It’s not pretty when our young adults sulk and blame the world when not chosen for a desired job… much like when we sulk for days after the Patriots lose.

Graceful losing is a critical social skill. This is a terrific week in New England to model it for our kids.

PS- Our New York friends can model classy WINNING this week, too! Opportunities everywhere!

If the problem is with the kids, or the environment and expectations we have created around childhood.

 When I really pull back on the viewfinder, the kids look OK to me.

Kaleb with his mom and dad, James and Jessica Kula during a  taping of the Today Show on Monday night.

SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS 

“…your son is always going to be mentally challenged.”

^^^That^^^ is what a teacher told the mother of one of our students when her oldest son was five-years-old.

That “mentally challenged” boy is now a sophomore in college- but this mother didn’t have a crystal ball to know what was possible for her baby that day. She cried all the way home, and the young teacher’s words have haunted her over the years.

Sometimes, the little off-the-cuff things we say hurt people in a lasting way. We, especially educators, need to be careful what we say… our words are powerful.

(By the way, I know that I am far from perfect- so I’m sorry to anyone who has been hurt by my words over the years.)

This story made me cry this morning.

I don’t know Kaleb Kula, but I think I know a lot of kids like him.

Kids make mistakes. Groups of kids make bigger mistakes. But how can THIS BIG of a mistake happen?

Where is the empathy? These kids cheered- and video recorded- as this 6th grade boy, with autism, was beaten up at his bus stop… and it sounds like it is business as usual in Kaleb’s world. 

If anything, that video could have been used as evidence to immediately turn into school officials… or the police. If turning it in was too hard to do for the kids, someone could have created an anonymous email and turned it in privately. If these kids know how to upload the video to Facebook, they should know how to turn it in.

Kaleb, you are not alone.  You have friends in Massachusetts who stand by you and support you.

This month at Skills for Living, we are studying empathy… Because it matters. This week, we will be making a friendship package to send to Kaleb and his family.  If you or your family would like to contribute a note, card, art project, stickers, Pokemon cards, etc., send them to us by Saturday:

Our theme is “We Care.” (Because WE DO.)

I sat in the packed Weight Watchers meeting, silently hating Kristy.

Kristy was going on and on… and on. She talked about how she was down 8.8 pounds this week- which surprised her, since she didn’t track and she hadn’t exercised. “I guess I’m just lucky,” she shrugged. “I love Weight Watchers!”

I rolled my eyes at my neighbor Barbara who silently elbowed me to knock it off.

But then, Jane chimed in. ”Yes, I myself am down 3.2 this week, which is amazing since I went to Chilli’s, Burger King, and had pizza too! Yay!”

I looked at Barbara and mouthed the words, “I wish Jane would shut the h#*L up.”

I have absolutely no problem with people sharing their weight loss success- that’s kind of the point of good ol’ Weight Watchers, but there is something just super duper annoying when people gloat about how easy it is for them… because it’s not for all of us, including me.

So a few social skills tips for people losing weight in a  group this new year:

• Share your success, but keep it brief. 
• Talk about your challenges along the way.
• Listen to others more than you offer advice- especially if the advice is unsolicited. 
• Do not tell the post-partum nursing mom “you know just how she feels” if you are a man. In fact, stay out of the conversation all together. 
• Share your ideas, but do not dominate the conversation for the entire meeting. It’s not a private conversation between you and the leader. 

Am I unusually harsh on this topic? Yes, especially if you ask my husband Rob… but I guess I could add another bullet to the list, and you might understand why:

• If you are a man losing weight, and your wife is also trying, don’t ever EVER tell her your weight (if she weighs more than you).